To anyone of my friends who would like to know more about my problems, maybe you can help...
It all started when i was a little kid. I grew up without a father and i lived with just my older sister and my mother. I used to play video games with the two of them all of the time and i was used to being sort of "babied" by my mother, others would call it being spoiled. Well it wasnt until i was 5 years old that my mother died of cancer and my sister and i were sent to live with my aunt and uncle on a farm. Things got worse from there on, they would treat my older sister and i like we were worthless and didnt mean anything. It wasn't until we moved to a new house in a nearby town that my sister had finally had enough and moved out without me. I never got to see heads or tails of her for a long while. Later on down the road my aunt and uncle started to abuse me even more, i guess because i was sort of the "black sheep" because i wasnt their kid. They treated me like i was some delinquent criminal and later on told me that my father didnt want me when i was about 7 years old. During this time i was still crying myself to sleep wishing for my mother to just come back in and smile and take me with her back to our house with her and my sister. 1 year later i started to run away from home because i didnt want to take anymore abuse from my step parents. I would try and run away to my grandmothers house which was 12 miles away from the town i lived in. Each time i ran away, i was always picked up and taken back home. I was 9 years old when i made my last attempt of running away to my grandmothers house and was 1 mile away but was soon picked up and taken back. Each time i tried to go to the police about my step parents abusing me, they would never believe me and they would always listen to my step parents lies. I tried to run away to friends houses but my step mother would only laugh and say "they didnt want him" which hurt like hell to hear. Soon even social workers got involved in the abuse in their own way and they even witnessed it sometimes but they just sat there and watched it all happen like it was some sick hollywood movie. I would be confined to my room and locked in there every night after i finished supper and took a shower. Whenever i disobeyed my step parents, they would either smack me, throw me, make me do useless chores, walk up and down the stairwell aimlessly until they thought i "learned a lesson" or they would ground me. I was put on many different anti depressent pills at once and soon my body got addicted to them, only to have the pills taken from me because they were making me worse, but because my body was addicted to them, when i went to live with my grandmother finally, i would break out into cold sweats and i would cry in pain because i kept feeling so restless and i would shake. I was still forced to keep in contact with them and i started to endure bullying problems at my new school. I made "friends" there but they ended up as the people who only wanted to use a happy go lucky person like me. I was often made fun of because i would act like a kid and joke around. It wasnt until 8th grade that i adopted my split personality and that became the "new me". Soon after, my grandmother decided to move back to the town i so badly wanted to escape from so that she may be closer to her son, my stepfather but he and my step mother ended up getting a divorce soon after and he left town. When i went to my new high school in my old town, everyone seemed like they did in my old town. they made fun of me, but soon i made "friends" with a small band of these people and i hung out with them from thereafter. I soon got into a relationship with a girl from texas shortly after and we were in love for 2 years. but during that time, she would start liking other people and flirt with them and even do things with them. one time i caught her and i confronted her about it. she cried and made me look like that bad guy. it wasnt until last year that i had finally had enough and told her that it was over. then after that i endured relationship after relationship (including the one with emily). Now im here, with douche bag friends who enjoy tormenting me for fun and being the "runner" that my school seems to use to win most of their long distance running events. Maybe by reading this you can find the answer that i could never find...but if you dont care i understand completely. i guess you could take this as.....my cry for help from deep down, the part of me that i try so hard to keep to myself.
thank you for listening to me.
Signed,
Chaosangel350 (aka, Russ or russell)
Situation
